One Year Ago Today My Dear Wife Violet Passed Away

Today marks one month since the sad passing, late Saturday evening, November 27, 2021, of my beloved wife of 57 years, Violet (Stark) Glickstein, age 79. 

In addition to being a special blessing to me as my wife, Violet was also a devoted mother to our three children, Lisa, Rena, and Sara; and a loving grandmother to Lisa's children (Alex, Michela, and Samantha) and Sara's (Isaac and Emerson). Violet was also a great friend to many others. 

HOW WE WILL REMEMBER AND HONOR VIOLET

We, as a family, will remember Violet for all the great times we had together. Education was important to her, and she delighted in family events at our children's and grandchildren's elementary and high schools. 

Advanced education, at the College and Post-Graduate levels, was particularly significant. Violet and I "kvelled" (Yiddish word meaning "burst with pride") as our children were awarded the degrees they had earned (PhDs for Lisa and Sara, a Masters for Rena, and Bachelors for Lisa's children). 

Speaking of degrees, Violet earned her Bachelors in Chemistry in 1963 (not the norm for females in the 1960's). Once our children were out of elementary school, Violet went back to college to earn her Masters in Computer Science (1983), when in her 40's! (With all those advanced degrees flying around in our immediate family, I felt "obligated" to get my Masters and PhD while in my very ripe 50's!)

In addition to delighting in education, Violet loved to travel with me, family members, and friends. At or near the top of her list of favorite places in the world were destinations with "Disney" in their titles: Disneyland (California), Disney World (Florida), and even Shanghai Disney Resort (China). We visited the latter in 2017, when our Grandchild Michaela, a Hospitality Major at Purdue, was doing an internship at a Chinese resort, see The Virtual Philosophy Club: Beyond Communism - the Emergence of a Newly Prosperous and Increasingly Capitalist CHINA! (tvpclub.blogspot.com) and The Virtual Philosophy Club: CHINA - WAY BEYOND COMMUNISM (tvpclub.blogspot.com)

We also travelled to England when our Grandchild Alex was interning at Oxford. We would have visited our third Grandchild Samantha when she was interning, however, she was in Australia, so far off the grid that a visit was not possible. 

Other family vacations included our Alaska cruise in 2010, where Violet showed she still had lots of "zip" in her as we flew between trees riding the zipline in Ketchican, see The Virtual Philosophy Club: Plenty of ZIP as We Mature (tvpclub.blogspot.com) 

From left to right sitting around the table: Michaela Hagler, Jerry Hagler, Alex Hagler, David Moyers, Rena Moyers, Lisa Glickstein, Samantha Hagler, Violet Glickstein. I (Ira) am standing in the rear with Lou who lives on the cruise ship.

In 2014 we took the family on a Baltic cruise that included a brief stop in St. Petersberg, Russia, see: The Virtual Philosophy Club: Our Brief Visit to Russia (tvpclub.blogspot.com) 

As we waited in the St. Petersburg park, along with our Grandchild Alex, I noticed the pigeons had an unusual fondness for the famous Russian writer, see photos above. I tested my ability to sound out Cyrillic characters by reading the inscription on the Pushkin statue, "Алекса́ндр Серге́евич ПУШК" [ALEKSANDER SERGEVITCH PUSHKIN].

VIOLET'S OBITUARY

Our daughter Lisa composed a marvelous obituary that captures the essence of Violet. Violet Glickstein | Obituaries | thevillagesdailysun.com

VIRTUALLY "SITTING SHIVA" FOR VIOLET

According to Wikipedia, Shiva (Hebrew: שבעה‎‎, literally "seven") is the week-long mourning period for first-degree relatives. The ritual is referred to as "sitting shiva". According to Jewish law, we assume the status of "avel" (Hebrew: אבל; "mourner"). This state lasts for seven days, during which family members traditionally gather and receive visitors.

In our modern times, when families live all over the US and the World, and where literal belief is scarce, it isn't really practical for first-degree relations to sit around on couches in the living room for a week wearing slippers.

Although I lack any real literal belief in Jewish ritual, IMHO, it does make sense for those closest to the deceased to make a special effort to remember her (at least) during the weeks and months following her departure.

For reasons I can't defend rationally, I'm very pleased that our daughters Lisa, Rena, and Sara, and Lisa's children, Alex, Michaela, and Samantha attended Hebrew school, learned to read that ancient language, and went through the formal Bat Mitzvah process. I don't think any of them had then or have now any real literal belief, which, in a way, makes it a sort of minor miracle that they did so. (This last sentence brings tears to my eyes as I read it. How about you?)

VIOLET'S HEROIC STRUGGLE WITH LIVER DISEASE

For several months prior to her passing, Violet and I were concerned about the damage diabetes had wrought on her liver. Several months ago, on September 14, 2021, Dr. Eric Schwartzberg attempted to perform a TIPS procedure at the Leesburg Hospital (see Transjugular intrahepatic portosystemic shunt - Wikipedia) to place a shunt near her liver, and his attempt failed due to "occlusions" in the portal vein. 

Prior to the surgery, the doctor was quite frank with us. He said he had done dozens of successful TIPS procedures where there were no occlusions. Unfortunatey, he said, he has attempted six with occlusions, and only two of them were successful. "So, I'll be number three!" said Violet confidently. Sadly, the odds were against her, and they won.

A week after the failed TIPS procedure, Violet fell in our apartment, and I could not get her back up on her feet. The staff at Freedom Pointe Independent Living called 911 and the very prompt and efficient EMTs showed up and took her to the Emergency Room at The Villages Hospital. After two weeks of treatment at the hospital, she was released to the skilled nursing "Rehab" facility on the Freedom Pointe campus. 

Unfortunately, after a few days at Rehab, she falls there, perhaps due to low blood pressure, and is readmitted to the hospital. She cycled from hospital to Rehab and back again three times as the doctors tried to find a mixture of drugs and treatments to balance her body chemistry against the buildup of toxins caused by her liver failure. Due to Covid restrictions, each time Violet was admitted to FP Rehab, she had to be isolated, and visitors were required to wear full Personal Protective Equipment. The photo shows Lisa and me in full-PPE. 

VIOLET COMES HOME FOR HER FINAL WEEK

Finally, on Tuesday, November 16, Violet was returned to our Independent Living apartment and was able to eat in our Dining Room. 

Looking back, what turned out to be her final week at home (November 16th thru 23rd) was a glorious time! 

Vi was warmly greeted by everyone each day that we ate our big meal of the day in the Dining Room, and as we passed through other public areas.

Freedom Pointe has been proactive in the Covid-19 crisis. They scheduled on-site clinics in January and February where both Vi and I were fully vaccinated with Pfizer shots. They had an on-site clinic in October, where I got my booster shot. Vi missed that clinic because she was off-site, but, when she was back home on November 18th, I drove her to our Publix pharmacy, and she was boosted.

On Sunday, November 21, one of the last days of that most wonderful week, our good friends Bunny and Bob Adler took us on a tour of the Fenney Springs Nature Trail in The Villages. 

Vi sat comfortably in her wheeled transport chair as we pushed her along the paved trail, enjoying the birds, turtles, fish, and a sleepy alligator. Earlier, we had stopped by a fast-food place and picked up the Chicken Sandwich Vi had begged for all through her Hospital/Rehab confinement. We consumed our chicken and fries in the shade of tall trees.

VIOLET'S FINAL DAYS

A few days later, Wednesday, November 24, Violet and I were scheduled for an early morning visit to the nearby LabCorp to give fasting-blood samples. She woke me about 5am, and, using her walker with a bit of help from me, was able to make a successful visit to the toilet. She woke me again around 6am and puked up a bit of the Blackened Catfish she had consumed at the Freedom Pointe Dining Room the evening before. 

As 7am departure time for our LabCorp journey approached, Violet was unable to stand up, so I went myself. 

When I returned, she was sleeping atop the covers on her bed. She woke-up and was communicative, but lethargic and a bit confused, I called the Freedom Pointe nurse who came right away. She examined Violet and took her Blood Pressure which was low. We used her Libre Blood Sugar sensor and got a moderately high reading. 

The nurse called 911. Those dependable EMTs showed up, checked her vitals, and asked a series of questions, which Violet answered in a confused manner. 

When I got to the Emergency Room (ER) Violet was getting her CT-Scan. When she was wheeled back into her ER room, her eyes were partially open, but she was non-communicative. 

The ER nurses and doctors informed me that Violet was in critical condition, with multiple system failures, including not only her liver, but kidneys as well. They suggested she should be given only "comfort care". She was transferred from the ER to the Intensive Care Unit (ICU).

I checked the "Living Will" documents that she and I had updated in recent months, and, after Lisa spoke directly to the nurse and the doctor, and we all agreed, I signed the papers necessary to place her in "Comfort care" status.

Violet remained unresponsive to spoken requests from me that she move her tongue or move her hand when it is being squeezed. Her eyes remained partially open, pupils slowly scanning side to side, as Lisa, via speakerphone "talked" to her, as did our son-in-law Jerry and one of our grandchildren, Alex. 

The following day, friends Bunny and Bob drove me to visit Violet in the ICU and we set up her transfer to the Cornerstone Hospice. 

The image above, taken on Wednesday, November 24th by our good friend Bunny Adler in The Villages Hospital ICU, is the last photo of Violet and me together. 

Violet was admitted to Cornerstone Hospice the following day, November 25th.

On Friday, November 26, Rabbi Zev of Temple Shalom (where Violet and I are founding members) met and comforted me at Hospice, He spoke to Violet and said the appropriate prayers. I went to Friday services that evening at Temple Shalom. 

On Saturday, November 27, Bunny and Bob drove me to the beautiful, tree-shaded Hillcrest Memorial Gardens, in nearby Leesburg, to select the plot where Violet was to be buried, and the adjacent plot reserved for me. 

Our plots are in the Jewish "Garden of David" area near the Temple Shalom Memorial Garden.

The photo below shows the plots reserved for Violet and me (green flags).

Violet was interred on December 2, in a private ceremony conducted by Rabbi Zev. 

AFTERWORD

Earlier this week, after a pleasant dinner in the Freedom Pointe Pub with good friends, I picked up my mail and got in the elevator to go back up to my apartment. A couple of fellow residents, who I don’t happen to know very well, popped into the elevator just as the doors were about to close. “Sorry for your loss” they said, in a sincere effort to acknowledge Vi’s passing and comfort me.

 

“This will be my first New Years without her,” I replied. Tears came to my eyes. I had difficulty completing that sentence. 

I think of myself as a relatively non-emotional man who treats the difficulties of life and human interaction with the same cold logic and precise engineering I devoted to the solution of System Engineering issues!

Not so!

 

Vi’s critical illness and relatively sudden departure from this world have been extremely difficult for me. Yes, friends and relatives have come through for me with sincere kindness and have been extremely generous with their time. 

Rabbi Zev and leaders and members of Temple Shalom have been wonderful. 

The staff and medical professionals at Freedom Pointe Independent Living and Rehab and The Villages Hospital have been warm and gracious. 

Our daughter Lisa, sons-in-law Jerry and David, and our triplet grands Alex, Michaela, and Samantha disrupted their very active working lives to come here in person to comfort and help me, and, to clean up the clutter in our apartment. They each continue to support me via cellphone and internet.

CELEBRATING CHANUKAH 2021 FOR VIOLET

Vi's passing coincided with our celebration of Chanukah in the Freedom Pointe lobby. The photo below shows some of our fellow residents, along with visiting family members, kindling the Chanukah lights for the fourth day.

They are (left to right): 

[Fellow Residents] Lynn Belford, Roy Belford, Roben Gaftman, Bob Adler, Marty Rothbard, Bunny Adler,

[Family] Samantha Hagler (Grandchild), Jerry Hagler (Son-in-law), Alex Hagler (Grandchild), Michaela Hagler (Grandchild), David Moyers (Son-in-law), Lisa Glickstein (Daughter), and, in the Chanukah-themed "I LATKE, MOVE IT, MOVE IT" shirt, me, Ira Glickstein.

So, please join me in thinking about your good and eventful times with Violet. Read subsequent postings on this Blog about events I remember. If you'd like, you could put on some slippers, sit on your couch, and join me and others in a "virtual" Shiva for Violet.

Love to all, and specially elevated kisses and hugs to Violet, from her husband,

Ira Glickstein

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Violet and Ira Glickstein were married in 1964. See our 50th Anniversary memories in the following postings include highlights of our life together.

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1. Wedding and Farm Days 
2. Passing the Genes and Memes
3. Computers R Us (Ira and Vi's careers)
4. Retirement in The Villages, FL
5. Our 50th Anniversary Baltic Cruise (Air Travel and Shipboard activities)
6. Our 50th Anniversary Baltic Cruise (Land-Tours)

50th-0 CELEBRATING OUR 50th WEDDING ANNIVERSARY (tvpclub.blogspot.com)

NOTE:  This is the first of our "Virtual Sitting Shiva", the traditional Jewish custom of relatives and friends devoting seven days to specially remembering the deceased.